OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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