I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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