I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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