I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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