We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
