Do you still have your period?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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