I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We are all done wearing pants today
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
