Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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