3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
