see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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