Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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