I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
