ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize