You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
