Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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