if you like me you must not know who I am
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
