Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
