Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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