nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
