So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
