Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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