I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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