girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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