I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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