so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
