all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
