Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
