You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
