He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
