We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I had to cum in my sink.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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