His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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