i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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