The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
