Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
