Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
