We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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