wakey wakey hands off snakey
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
