after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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