I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
