My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
