it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
