I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
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She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
