Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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