I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
