matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
