my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he was CRYING into my vagina
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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