Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
