I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
