You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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