No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
