Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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