Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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