i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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