I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
