girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
