apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
