You're so nebulous sometimes
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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