I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
