First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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