I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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