obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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