I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
