I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize