Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
