why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
