turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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